I must apologize for not posting in quite sometime. I have a lot on my mind these days. School is looming in my ever-so-near future, and even quicker than that, Christmas. Frankly I'm not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. I feel like Christmas should be about family, and well, the people I consider to be my family, they're kind of in the wind.
You see, I imagined things would be different this Christmas. My dream Christmas would go something like this:
I wake up (in my own house) to the sound of A.J. coming into my bedroom. He crawls up into bed between Ethan and I , and that's the first thing I see, his bright shining face. But then, there's a cry from the baby monitor sitting on our dresser, it's Alanna, she's awake now and so begins the perfect Christmas morning. I make them breakfast, we open presents, and I sit back and watch in awe at my complete family...all four of us. The day would keep on and we would go and visit our less immediate families, then Ethan and I would fall asleep next to each other that night, and I would feel more complete than I ever have.
But that's a dream. A.J.'s with his dad, Ethan and I don't live together and Alanna, well, I guess now that's just a dream too...
Crying is overrated, because right now, I don't feel any better. I just want the three people I think about every waking second of every single day with me all the time...I guess you could call it a Christmas wish that will never ever come true, but that doesn't stop me from hoping.
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